I am on Empire Avenue as well!
EAVB_SHAIMZVPCG
Holla atcho boy!
-Wonderbread
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Empire Avenue
That's the code that the online social networking/virtual stock market site has asked me to place into a blog post to verify that I own this mother.
I've been pretty anxious to get in on this game. I've been waiting a while indeed to be accepted into the beta, so I'm excited to start trading people... moreso than I do now.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Destruction of the United States of America
On Friday, March 19, 2010, the United States House of Representatives passed a bill bringing unprecedented change to American healthcare by extending basic health coverage to more Americans than ever before; in a sense, establishing the foundation of a citizen's right to access basic health services without fear, obstruction, or discrimination. This has made many, many Americans happy. Almost as happy as my dog, Steve:
As you can see, Steve suffers from a pre-existing condition known as toocutetobootitis, or, in layman's terms, "OOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY!!!!!!!!!" As a result, Steve has never been able to get insurance, and he has lived in constant fear of the strong stroke of a child sending him to the emergency room. He used to tell me all the time, "WonderBread, I demand universal healthcare for dogs! I need to be covered! I am far too precious to go to Mexico for a basement operation by a damn chimicanguahah!"(Sorry, my dog's a racist) If you were curious what a chihuahua surgeon might like, here is a guy I met in Tijuana who claims to be a doctor:
Now, I don't blame Steve for not wanting to have that guy perform surgery on him. In fact, he's probably the last thing I'd want touching me with a scalpel, and trust me, there are plenty of things I want touching me with a scalpel (Hello, Scarlett Johansson!). Unfortunately for Steve (and those other happy Americans), our politicians proved myopic once again. In no way can this health care reform--let's call it Socialism--sustain this great nation. It isn't just a violation of your Constitutional rights. It isn't just an unfeasible financial burden. No, this bill is much more than that. It is doomsday. Revelations. FUCKING ARMAGEDDON!
You see, friends, this healthcare bill is just the first in a chain of coming travesties. Sure, it might seem fine at the moment; however, it will soon be summer. Children will be playing, mother's making lemonade, father's mowing the lawn. All of these activities take place outside. Do you know what else takes place outside? Yeah, you guessed it: Skunk stink bombs! Eventually, a boy and his dog will lose the tennis ball they were playing catch with, and the dog will go sniffing around in the bushes (hehe) for the ball. Let's call this dog, I don't know, Rackba Bamao. Rackba Bamao will stumble upon a skunk, and that skunk will spray him. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. The boy would simply give Rackba Bamao a tomato juice bath, and that will be that. Unfortunately, the family of the boy is too poor from being forced into purchasing health insurance and cannot afford the tomato juice. Sick of being stinky, Rackba Bamao does not take the matter lightly:
Soon, permanent skunk smell is stuck on many, many dogs with owners too poor for the insurance. As a charismatic little pup, Rackba Bamao organizes these dogs into a liberating force aimed at destroying the recent legislation. Since they are only dogs, they don't know how to do this legally, so they decide to take up arms:
Suddenly, the human race is fucked. Dogs with guns? We don't stand a chance! Fortunately, we have a little help from our friends/enemy of the dog, the cat:
As you can see, Steve suffers from a pre-existing condition known as toocutetobootitis, or, in layman's terms, "OOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY!!!!!!!!!" As a result, Steve has never been able to get insurance, and he has lived in constant fear of the strong stroke of a child sending him to the emergency room. He used to tell me all the time, "WonderBread, I demand universal healthcare for dogs! I need to be covered! I am far too precious to go to Mexico for a basement operation by a damn chimicanguahah!"(Sorry, my dog's a racist) If you were curious what a chihuahua surgeon might like, here is a guy I met in Tijuana who claims to be a doctor:
Now, I don't blame Steve for not wanting to have that guy perform surgery on him. In fact, he's probably the last thing I'd want touching me with a scalpel, and trust me, there are plenty of things I want touching me with a scalpel (Hello, Scarlett Johansson!). Unfortunately for Steve (and those other happy Americans), our politicians proved myopic once again. In no way can this health care reform--let's call it Socialism--sustain this great nation. It isn't just a violation of your Constitutional rights. It isn't just an unfeasible financial burden. No, this bill is much more than that. It is doomsday. Revelations. FUCKING ARMAGEDDON!
You see, friends, this healthcare bill is just the first in a chain of coming travesties. Sure, it might seem fine at the moment; however, it will soon be summer. Children will be playing, mother's making lemonade, father's mowing the lawn. All of these activities take place outside. Do you know what else takes place outside? Yeah, you guessed it: Skunk stink bombs! Eventually, a boy and his dog will lose the tennis ball they were playing catch with, and the dog will go sniffing around in the bushes (hehe) for the ball. Let's call this dog, I don't know, Rackba Bamao. Rackba Bamao will stumble upon a skunk, and that skunk will spray him. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. The boy would simply give Rackba Bamao a tomato juice bath, and that will be that. Unfortunately, the family of the boy is too poor from being forced into purchasing health insurance and cannot afford the tomato juice. Sick of being stinky, Rackba Bamao does not take the matter lightly:
Soon, permanent skunk smell is stuck on many, many dogs with owners too poor for the insurance. As a charismatic little pup, Rackba Bamao organizes these dogs into a liberating force aimed at destroying the recent legislation. Since they are only dogs, they don't know how to do this legally, so they decide to take up arms:
Suddenly, the human race is fucked. Dogs with guns? We don't stand a chance! Fortunately, we have a little help from our friends/enemy of the dog, the cat:
But it is of no use. The dogs are simply too powerful for the cat-human team, largely because cats are way too fucking crazy to be trusted with weapons (there are many friendly casualties in this affair). The dogs rule the world. Humans are done, and its all thanks to our new healthcare bill.
Thank, Democrats.
-Wonderbread
Thank, Democrats.
-Wonderbread
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