A Biographical Profile of Lucky the Leprechaun

  As we all know Lucky Charms are the second luckiest cereal in the world, right next to Rabbit Feet Sweets.  We aren't focusing on the cereal, though, we're here to talk about Lucky the Leprechaun.

  With humble beginnings as a Forest Sprite, Lucky quickly rose through the ranks of mythological creatures and even had a stint as a movie monster.  It was after Lucky Charms redesigned their box that they decided just a bowl without a mascot wouldn't quite work.  Lucky the Leprechaun was a sure fire thing with his name being Lucky and all, beating out other Lucky Charms mascot hopefuls such as Danny Bonaduce and Carrot Top.


  Lucky was a hit!  He was hocking multi-colored sugar and sweetened cardboard to children all across America.  Lucky Charms was so successful with their mascot that they increased their number of shapes periodically.  Rainbows in 1992, pots of gold in 1994, leprechaun hats in 1996, and a whole bunch of other shit that makes no fucking sense.

  Hard times eventually hit, though, and Lucky was forced to endorse the "Magic Door" marshmallow.  Lucky didn't feel like it would be fair to let children think that their milk could unlock doors, especially after several children were involved with locked magical door deaths.  As time passed Lucky had to promote other marshmallow shapes he felt didn't truly represent the Lucky Charm brand.  Some of these included:  a rabbits foot, ladybugs, and chinese red lanters.  The latter being mostly because of Lucky's racism towards the chinese.

  Hard times hit eventually, when Lucky was replaced by Lupe the Leprechaun.  Following allegations that he had been "murdering people for stealing his gold"   caused his television commercial career to never really begin.  This is when Lucky had to start doing infommercials.  Starting with the "Clam Wow!", a device which was used to perfectly boil clams and his most recent "Slap Mop" which involved releasing aggression during household cleaning.

  During his downfall, Lucky developed a drug and sex addiction.  The last anyone has heard of Lucky was his run in with a prostitute, in which there was a dispute over a pot of gold not being an acceptable form of currency.  This led to a physical altercation and both were arrested shortly after.  Photos of Lucky after the event were leaked.

  Nothing else has been heard of since his run in with the Pac-Man of hookers, but maybe, just maybe, this year will be his lucky year.

- PWT